I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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