porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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