1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
