I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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