Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
