So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
