dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
