either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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