There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
