dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
