the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
