yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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