Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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