he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
