Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
