yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
