I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
