perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
