i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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