the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
