I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
