Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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