I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
