Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
