he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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