this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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