I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
