Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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