We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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