um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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