Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
