and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
