Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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