Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
