I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
