foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
