im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We smell like vodka and hangover
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