Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
