Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
