They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
