well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The ass gains better be worth it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
