I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
