I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
