I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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