just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
