Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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