Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
