the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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