I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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