Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
