if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
