omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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