I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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