I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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