Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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