What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
