textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
