My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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