Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
